Spread the Love, Shovel the Shi’

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MAD

I Could Have Been A Contender

What a MAD MAD week here on Knicker Island!

My butler Richie B, has been entertaining a few billionaires, and of course, ensuring they get a POWER coaching session with the Master of Tosh himself, Moi!

First up was some guy called Ronald Tramp. Apparently he’s in a real state. Perfect stressed client alert! What a funny guy though. We chewed the fatwa for a bit, in which he told me about his Apprenticeship and then he said, (I’ll never forget,) “Who are you?” Oh how we laughed.
Anyway, he was the first to tell me the importance of Spreading the Love ❤ ❤ ❤

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Kissing My Ring Piece

Now I know how to spread the love wherever I go. I let people kiss my gold guru ring piece, have photos with me (as long as there is a step to stand on) and will even sign my book for them, provided they have paid the full RRP. Also, Peggy has told you recently about my bedroom superiority in the excerpt from her upcoming book, Living with the World’s Greatest Entrapraner, AND I am a regular visitor to Milf&Honey.com. So I get the Spread the Love strategy. ❤

Next up in my POWER coaching session was a guy called Bis Morgen.
He was an extremely successful and influential Journalist and TV Bloke, or so he said. But he was out of work and looking for a J.O.B. I just had to help him get back on his feet. Living in exile is tough. There is a distinct lack of sycophants here on the island, so this was my chance to grow the pool. POWER coaching method 101 locked and loaded!

Bis and I shared some personal, touching moments before we started to list out the things he should START, and things he should STOP. He wanted to continue with phone tapping his favourite beats because it had got him many leads in the past, However, I persuaded him that this was now Old School. Suddenly, he went into a transindental dance and started exclaiming “It wasn’t me Sir!” followed by “It was Tarquin Sir!”

This freaked me a little, as clearly he’d had some dreadful experiences in his life. But I had long learnt to ignore people’s history, unless it helped me to UpSell them.

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Bis Gets Als Ice Bucket

I emptied Als bucket of ice cold water over him which instantly bought him back to us on Knicker Island. I asked him about his exclamations and he explained his “Always Blame Someone Else” principle that he had learned at school. Since working as the No.1 gutter press journalist, he had developed his thoughts to Keep Calm and Shovel the Shi’.

This was a moment of distinction. This was a GAME CHANGER. Being a Creator, Star and Lord, I put Ronald and Bis together. From now on. I was going to Spread My Love and Shovel Shi’ everywhere I went. It was Yin and Yang. It was balanced. It fit with my long held beliefs. All my business failures, every piece of bad advice I had given, the promises I had made, and not delivered, all fitted into the Spread the Shi’ and Love the Shovel principle.

What a Genius I am. I am a God!

Soooo, expect some Webinars, DVD’s and Workshops to buy soon my Purple Posse!

❤ ❤ ❤

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Probably the Best Mastermind in the World

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If I ran a Mastermind programme for Entrepreneurs/ Business Owners, it would probably be the best in the world…oh but wait! I DO and it IS!

Twin Brother Tony & Me

Twin Brothers Tony & Little Al

My 4-FT (Finominal Transfiguration) Mastermind is an AMAZINGLY POWERFUL programme that I ripped from my twin brother Tony Robbins (stage name), and made it even BETTER. Like I do.

First things first, I need to clear up a myth about Masterminds. Contrary to popular belief AND Napolean Hill in his book “Think and Grow Rich”, Masterminds are not about every member giving feedback, advice and support for each other, creating a collective mind more powerful than the sum of the individuals. They are a platform for Guru’s like me to show just how great our advice is. We get to trash other peoples ideas and use member’s questions to blow our own petards, name drop, use cheesy sound bites and listen to the magnificence of our own voices.tagr

BTW – it’s impossible to “think and grow rich” – what a plonker. I tried it once. Didn’t work. And that’s what you call “imperical evidence.”

The really really cool thing about my 4-FT Mastermind is the economics. Each member pays a premium to be part of my exclusive group. My punters pay just under 10 large, each. The only thing I have to organise, is a swanky hotel conference room for nine monthly meetings. (It doesn’t actually cost me anything because I don’t pay hotel invoices. I just move to another hotel when they threaten legal action.)

In addition, we are about to get away with my 2014 cohorts to Portugal for a few days, so that the group can admire me some more. This doesn’t cost me a solitary penny because we arrange it so that the punters pay a room rate that includes my room etc. (Result!)

Portugal Mastermind Hotel

Portugal Mastermind Hotel

What gets really interesting on these Portugal trips, is that the environment of a swimming pool, palm trees, deck chairs and cheap fizz makes the group go like, all spiritual. It’s like they experience some universal conversion or somefink. They start talking about the universe aligning to make them successful, and this karma suitra feng shoey stuff.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not anti-Hindhu or anything. Some of my best friends are Hindhuans. It’s just a little weird when they thank ME for it all. Although the hugging is mmmarvelous when your short. Anyway, that’s why I call it the 4-FT Mastermind – its a mastermind for (4) finominal (F) transfiguration (T). Cool huh?

I know you are really desperate for my for my Mastermind Secrets. Normally the retail price on these secrets is upwards of $20k. Today though, I’m not charging you $2k, not even $2. Today they’re FREE!

So here they are. Hold on to your delicates ‘cos these SECRETS are going to ROCK your world:

1. Pick yourself a cool name for the group, like 4-FT. Do NOT use “Housewives of Beverley Hills” or “The Entrepreneurs Circle” because they sound like Porn films. These titles will just attract hundreds of jerks on their way to blindness.

2. Really go-to-town on the power words that sell. Talk about the POWER of the Mastermind, the BREAKTHROUGHS, the SECRETS and the FINOMINAL results in any marketing material.

3. Never reveal what is actually in the Programme.  Firstly, you can then wing it without anyone noticing, and secondly, it adds to the mystery and secrecy which punters love.

4. Only make it accessible to the UNinquisitive people, who can find the cash up front. Smart asses are never welcome in my experience.

5. Only put people in the Hot Seat who will talk about problems you can solve.

6. Always leave the most difficult issues to last so that you can always suggest leaving them for another day

7. Never let the group take over. YOU are the Mastermind.

8. Always get Testimonials after the drinks and weird universe stuff.

9. Post on Facebook about what AMAZING transfigurations took place. Include pictures of lots of scribbles on Flipcharts (you can get these off Google Images), and members sat around tables in the restaurant with the caption “Bet YOU wish you were here.”

10. When you get back home, always complain about how stressful it was being “on stage” 24×7 to ensure maximum sycophancy.

There you have it. A Mastermind created by a Mastermind. 🙂

As always, let me know how you get on with my fabulous advice.